Counting Blessings....
Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice."
I'm always rejoicing in the Lord; always. Certainly I went through a dark period after the last blog that I posted in March 2014. It was a long and uncertain road, but I remained faithful as I followed God's lead--knowing His guidance would be the only right and sure direction as long as I kept focused on Him. There were so many obstacles along the way, so many failed attempts by the enemy to distract me. Here I am, though, and I will shout out His greatness and faithfulness in my life and catch you up on missed time...and maybe encourage you also. I should note, however, that I should not go so long without sharing my heart with you; you may understand why I say that soon...
Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
In the months following my last post, March 19th, I had several opportunities to recall and reflect upon this verse--and to help my children understand it as well. The last week of March, following a wonderful visit from my sister, brother-in-law, and niece, Tyson took the stage with his friends from our youth group at church and, for his first time, performed in front of judges in the Fine Arts competition. He was part of the human video team (it is a type of drama performance, for those of you who have never heard of it). I was so proud of him because he had the courage to step out of his comfort zone and step onto stage, finding out if he was able to do what we do here at home all the time very naturally--in front of an audience. I wasn't surprised to see that he is a great performer or that he is happy while engaged in acting; we have had our own "comedy show" here at home for a long time and I picked up on his passion for acting as we always performed our personal, comical skits. It sounds a bit strange to some, perhaps, but it came as a natural coping mechanism for us as we tread through some rough waters. I say it came naturally because it really did. We started out by making jokes about situations that were hurtful; by acting them out and adding humor. The more we laughed, the more we reenacted the situations. Back then, we had a lot of situations to laugh our way through. Those times brought us closer, brought us through, and taught us to express our joy even in the most painful times of life. Not that I miss the daily suffering we endured back then, but I will say that I do miss all of our "comedy show" skits. We still have our dramas, but not as many. Perhaps God was preparing Tyson for part of what laid ahead for him in Albemarle while at the same time showing me how to help my son (and me) get through some tough times. I thank God for that lesson learned---Tyson really developed the talent and passion for acting (and music, which I will get to later) and the joy he had on the day that two youth leaders confronted him about joining the human video team...that was priceless. Those women will never know how they touched his life just by asking him to join the drama team. It's sometimes the little things we do that impact people the greatest. Now, they are only weeks away from performing at the Fine Arts Convention again, which I am sure will be a blessing to everyone who sees the performances.
In April, we were getting ready to wind up Co-Op for the year. The time was also drawing near for Tyson to take his first standardized testing of his homeschooling life...and I was worried. This lesson would be for both Tyson and me. And, in a sense, for everyone else in our lives who had been skeptics of our decision to turn to homeschooling. I worried and feared and cried and prayed...all the things I had been doing the whole school year, but a lot more. Tyson seemed much more calm and that, in itself, even worried me. You have to understand that I began homeschooling him with no clear understanding of where he was academically. The analysis I received upon withdrawing him from his last school was not an acceptable analysis to me; it only told me that his abilities were not known and that he was, indeed, behind in actual work. I knew he wasn't incapable of being on target or even ahead of target, though. I spent our first year of homeschooling confused, worried, praying, hoping, doubting, and frustrated...to be brief about it. I eventually decided to focus on the language arts area--namely on reading comprehension, vocabulary, grammar, and punctuation--and on building up his confidence; telling him that he is intelligent and trying to instill a love for learning in him. So, the test day arrived. We drove an hour away to the testing site and I left him there for over an hour to complete the testing. When I returned, Tyson and I only made eye contact as we passed--he was walking out, I was walking in to hear the results. His facial expression didn't give me much hope. Oh, but when the test administrator began explaining the results to me--well, I'm certain he thought I was crazy for a minute, at least. Then I explained to him the negative reports I had been given at the previous school just one year earlier. He laughed at me and said he understood my position. In short, Tyson had advanced, overall average, three grade levels...or grade equivalency levels. The ride from Matthews, NC back to Albemarle, NC was interesting. I was torn between whether I should just cry or pull over and roll in the grass for a minute. We rode quietly for a while; Tyson staring at the test results. Then, my favorite song at the time, Broken Hallelujah, started playing on the radio. God had already assured the victory long before, but I suppose I had been beaten down by outside situations and needed to be reminded that I can do all things through Christ Jesus. Tyson just needed the confirmation, for the first time ever, that he really can do all things through Christ Jesus. He heard me preach it. He saw me live in belief and by faith. He even saw the evidence in my life. He needed to see evidence in his own life, though. And, that day, God showed us both that we can do all things through Him. Again, after such a long break in writing, the time is approaching for Co-Op to end and Tyson's second standardized testing. I'm not so stressed this time. I feel as if God was pretty clear in His message to me last year---all the stress and tears were so pointless.
Although that was a day I will never forget--May 7th, 2014, three days later, Tyson took on another challenge that would be a milestone for him. A lesson for us both, too. Tyson is a runner. He loves to run and he runs well. I entered him in the Hershey's Track and Field Event here in Albemarle. We were excited and still stoked about that test a few days earlier. However, as usual, I had fear creeping in and a whole bunch of reasons to justify my fears. Now, I know it was silly, but it is hard for other people to understand where I am coming from concerning a lot of things because they don't know our past life. Tyson has taken a lot of "hits" in his young life and I always have an immediate thought of concern about him pop in my head when anything comes up. Even when we found out that my husband was going to stay in Albemarle, NC permanently, I instantly thought of Tyson because he had been recovering from a horrible public school experience for about five years and I was afraid to disrupt his life; afraid of causing him to suffer through the emotional pains he had finally overcome. By my new nature, I quickly remembered that God would supply all our needs and, even though I love my sons with all I have in me, God loves them more. I had peace about his welfare upon moving, but knew that the saying goodbye part would still be difficult for him. I tried to keep him involved in things he loved and running was one activity I encouraged. He is very thankful for his ability to run, especially since he had double Achilles lengthening surgery in 2010 and the surgeon wasn't very encouraging about the recovery...he said "Some people recover completely, some don't. Some recover quickly, some never do. It's really not something that can be predicted." That year, Tyson was not only fully recovered in only a few months, but he was competing in the annual race at his school's field day...and won. Still, I worried (I do that a lot, it seems). Tyson was excited about running and I was nervous. I signed him up for the wrong events because I have no clue what anything means in the world of track and field. Ideally, Tyson should have been entered in the "dashes" only, but I entered him in the 800m run and the 200m dash. And, for the field event, the softball throw. He was upset about the softball throw, but he practically threw the softballs from one end of the football field to the other. He won that event. So, the races...well, he did, technically, place first in the 800m run--because he was the only runner in his age level. I'm not sure if he even remembers the actual run. However, he ran the first lap so fast that everyone was amazed. I knew he had three more laps, though, so I was a little nervous. Tyson never quits anything physical, even if he is in pain. When he began stopping on the third lap, I began panicking. It is so silly looking back now, but I was terrified when he completely quit running for a minute and then barely finished the last lap. Tyson never quits. He was light headed and dizzy. We barely got him to the vehicle after the event was over. Oh, I forgot to mention that he had to run that 200m dash immediately after that excruciating 800m dash. A couple of hours, a long rest, and lots of waters later, he was fine. I now know the differences in the runs and dashes and he knows to drink lots of water in the days prior to a track event. I have to say, though, it was still a victory because he kept going even when I'm sure it was dangerous to do so. I was proud of him that day. He kept going, even when it was nearly impossible. I passed him a note as he waited nervously to run that 800m run...words that reminded him of scriptures he knows well..."All that matters is that you finish the race." He still has that note pinned above his desk.
We had a few great moments along with a few low points over the next few months. I enjoy watching my children grow and I thank God daily for all of the blessings He bestows on us daily. There are so many blessings that I can't cover each one in a single blog post, but I wanted to cover a few big ones. Mainly, I chose to share these few events because I have been thinking much about how God takes us places that we wouldn't go on our own. And, it is His strength and power that supplies all that we need to accomplish whatever task He has for us. When we have faith and just obey Him, even when we are afraid, He will bless us. He understands that we have fears, but He is glad when we choose to obey His call even in that moment of fear. I've learned so much over the past few years and I'm hoping to finally be able to write in this blog more often so I can share so much more, but one wonderful realization that I have had is that, just like Peter when he was walking towards Jesus on the water and the weather got crazy, he was suddenly afraid, he took his focus off of Jesus, and he began to sink. Then, he cried out to Jesus to save his life. Well, that can apply to everyday life for us. We are going about doing what it is that the Lord calls us to do and, it never fails, something happens--people treat us terribly, someone we love gets sick, financial hardship hits us--and we start to focus on the problems and not on the purpose of Jesus. Our eyes become fixed on the things we see here, the things hurting us, and we begin sinking. Next thing you know, we are like Peter, crying out for Jesus to save us from losing our life. I know how hard it is to overlook painful circumstances, believe me. Even recently I have had to deal with a heavy load of burdens. I don't have to go into details, but I will point out that, thank the Lord, I have learned to be content in all circumstances, like the Apostle Paul pointed out about his own spiritual journey [Philippians 4:11 Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.12 I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want.13 I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].] Not that I would compare any trials I have had to the trials he endured, still I have learned these excellent qualities, which any Christian can develop if we keep our focus on God and not the god of this world. I certainly haven't been imprisoned, beat, stoned, shipwrecked, left for dead, or any of the many sufferings he endured. However, at the end of his life, as he sat in a dungeon type cell for prisoners facing execution, he relayed in his last letter a message that would infer that he was cold (bring me my cloak, which he said twice), he felt abandoned and only had Luke with him, and he was spiritually in need of encouragement (he requested for Mark to come minister to him and to bring his cloak and the parchments when he came...as quickly as he could). I can relate to the emotional side of that despair. I've been alone here plenty of times in North Carolina. I have felt the hurt of having been ripped apart verbally with no cause on my behalf. I've suffered through the sadness of being torn away from people I once had close relationships with. Yet, in all those things, I still got back up, wiped my tears away, and kept moving forward with my eyes set on the eternal, not the temporal. I take comfort in knowing that I will see my loved ones again, whether it's here on earth or in our real home. I have concluded that, in all the goodness of God--in all the great and wonderful blessings He pours out upon us--still, it is not about us. It is all about Jesus and the Cross...and it always has been.
I pray that whatever storms you may have to weather, that you will always remember that God is the anchor of our soul, the Rock of our salvation, our Refuge forever.
I used to be consumed by fears-- many of them being fears of dying. The Lord diminished those fears and has been teaching me to quit fearing those things because worry and fear wouldn't change it anyway. Instead, He has opened doors for me to live in His liberty and glorify His name in many ways....whether through music, art, teaching, or writing. I still have my moments; the moments of doubts about my abilities to teach or raise my kids, the moments I wish I could go back in time and curl up with my mother and cry, the moments when I feel like no one truly knows me except God. I have always taken comfort in Psalm 91, but in so many more passages of scripture also. I know that God has always been and will always be faithful until the end.
Intertwined with the painful times I have experienced in the past year, I have had some amazing moments that I can't close without mentioning. For one, my husband...what a work God has already done in him and will continue doing. I loved watching his baptism in September 2014. Friends...the Lord has put some great friends in my life whom I believe will always be in my life from here on. Family...we were able to visit Florida in November 2014 and see family that we haven't seen since we moved and some we have, but still enjoyed a great Thanksgiving with my husband there also. Our second Christmas here just seemed so fantastic, full of love from our church family and a nice mental break from schooling. We focused on the true purpose of celebrating Christmas and also took a rest from the stresses of life. Lastly, music, Ah, I got my violin and my keyboard...and have been making music since. It is good for me to worship God through music and He has shown me that He can give me the wisdom and ability to do even the things others think are small. He cares.
I know that truly, "I can do all things though Christ Jesus which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13
God bless you greatly and I pray it will not be long before you can read another blog post from me!
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